where am i from again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize