ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
