allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
barbara walters just said penis...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
