R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
