I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
