hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
