Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
