wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
