it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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