if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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