I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
