speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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