Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
