I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
