are you so shy because you have an std?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
