fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
