I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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