I didn't shave. On purpose
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
