I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
