I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just had sex on a roof
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
