He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
