did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize