my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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