Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
