I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
