you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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