Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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