Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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