I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
