legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
