who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize