I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
