I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So many bounce houses so little time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
