How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
