well you can't waste a boner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize