I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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