I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
