is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
