So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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