She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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