is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
