a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
