I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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