that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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