I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
did you just send me my own nude
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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