carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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