she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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