I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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