Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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