Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
