So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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