Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
