some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
