I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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