Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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