Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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