I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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