Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize