I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
