I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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