The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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