I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
