i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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