doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
