Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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