god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
